Bullet Wounds
by Vanessa S. Quest
Summary: Shounen Ai, Injuries... and all that fun stuff that you all love about my stories... or hate. And thanks to everyone who made this birthday as good as it was. LOVE!


Bullet-Wounds, Blurry Confessions, and Blurrier Still Truths

by Vanessa S. Quest

Sometimes I step aside and I wonder how I'll look back on these times.

Will I even be able to do that? Will I be alive long enough to look back and remember my first love as though it was so long ago and yet yesterday? Or will I never make it to that age- or worse fate still; will I be bound to forget again?

I know I shouldn't step aside like that, it distracts me, it makes it harder to smile, it makes my eyes cloud with tears, but thinking that my first love won't be permanent does the same to me. Sometimes I regret being smart enough to make those distinguishing lines, and sometimes I remember how just because I'm smart enough to think of these things doesn't mean I'm smart enough to do so at a more opportune time.

A bullet grazes my shoulder and I snap, with a bit of a hiss, back to reality. I see his eyes on me, not my prey but my leader, he seems disgusted at my carelessness but nonetheless concerned for my safety as I now nurse a bullet-wound while working with heightened expedience to make up for my dream-induced slacking.

Now, I know I really shouldn't be explaining this now, especially to myself as I know what's happening, but let me specify. Right now I am in a very dangerous position, of course I'd be the last to admit it. Especially to our stony â gorgeous leader, Aya-kun, no I could never let him down by making him think I was weak. That I wasn't able to give it my all- no, more, his all- to fulfill a mission; I adamantly refuse to be some Takatori in the way of his justice.

As they carry on shooting I type frantically, my head feels woozy and I can only assume that wound on my shoulder is a bit more than the graze I thought it to be moments before.

I hurry to finish off the upload of information, regrettably in a more complicated fashion then originally anticipated for. I was supposed to go in, get the files and get out while Ken-kun, Yoji-kun, and Aya-kun took out the targets. Apparently, from the blush in his cheeks I assume Aya-kun sprinted here when he heard the alarm sound after Ken-kun took-out a target through a security panel, the baka. My leader and teammate Aya-kun came here to help me dispense of anyone who'd come here first to check why the last layer of internal security was the first to go off, it's a good thing too, as I still have to retrieve 8 of those files and there are at least 12 guards in here. I really shouldn't be complaining, I do what I must to take down the dark beasts, tonight it's an organization bent on abducting young boys forcing them to work in the sex industry. My job, our job is to take down evil that the law cannot touch.

We are Weiss.

Our personal lives all took to the back-burner the day we each joined Kritiker, we each live as the walking undead- our lives stolen from us at one point in time or another, we only truly live again in this farce of life as professional murderers, we make ourselves smile but we still are dead inside. Not that we're zombies or vampires or anything so macabre, no, we are all normal people pushed past extremes. Well, maybe we aren't normal, but we once thought we were, some say we were pushed past the breaking point- the no-return zone, though I know I shouldn't speak for the others I have to speak for myself and say I still feel human, at times. I feel love, even if one-sided, I smile even if my teammates don't return it, I go to school, work, and hide in the shadows my sins I want no one to see. That is my cross, my viceâ I hold these pains but I keep going, because I have nowhere to turn back to, I can never forget the bad ones, I can strive forward or I can succumb and give up, but I never would give up on this life those in my past tried so hard to deny me.

That is why I smile, spite I suppose. I want to be so happy that I don't ever remember those sad days before Weiss. My memories, I once said I couldn't remember before I was in Weiss- that was almost correct, I couldn't remember before Kritiker. But I was in Kritiker before I joined Weiss- I just joined Weiss when I was deemed stable enough.

I let out a strangely placed snicker, or gurgle. I'm not quite sure, somehow between pulling the disc out, shooting a person with two darts and taking a dark corner things got fuzzy, sights, sounds, feelings, lots of stuff.

I felt remarkably cold, and yet so flushed with heat I didn't know what was going on, I wanted to take off my jacket only to pull up a blanket or something.

Before I joined Weiss, wow remembering that makes my head throb- that or the dizziness I'm feeling.

I was abandoned, scared, battered, and that was just from the first day. I remember screaming all night, by remember I mean felt my throat in the morning, seeing Manx's worried face, everyone. I never understood why they took me there, it was a safe house but also somewhere to train me, maybe anger-management as I never was able to talk about the nightmares or anything, really. I had muted myself, not by refusing to talk so much as I had become so introverted about my personal self that it was like my actual self was gone, but what else do you expect from a person with no recollection of things but a grasp on a language? Sometimes though, between fetal position, sitting in the corner and doing exactly what I was told, I used to scream in nightmarish fits or start crying without stimulations.

I finally got out of that trend only by pushing more of my true feelings down and putting up a wall of emotions- normal emotions that I knew they just wanted me to have. I think they must have thought I was getting better or more balanced, they taught me how to defend myself, usually from afar in fear of sending me back in shock from being touched- one day one of the Kritiker guards had awoken me with a shake while I was in a nightmare, they said I blacked out for three days straight before even making a sound, my eyes fixed on the ceiling, and the guy missing a patch of hair as result. Where am I going with this? Those dark times ended when they thought I had readjusted, they had me work at a flower shop to keep me sane, my psyche balanced and had me kill at night, at first on my own with Kritiker agents around as back-up, then strictly solo, all the while I went to school.

Then Yoji-kun joined, Ken-kun after him saying how bad he felt that I had to do so much work with such a slacker, notably he's never offered to help me prepare a mission to this day. After a few months Aya-kun joined and I felt we were full, balanced. I didn't always have to be the leader pulling the strings for the day-job or for planning the missions, and go to school. Sure Ken-kun thought he was the leader- but we all do what we have to to keep our spirits up, and a small white lie like that made him happy, made him feel important and trusted- like the alpha male. I guess that's why he's so jealous of Aya-kun, Aya-kun didn't struggle for it, ask for it, no, it just fell onto him and fit him perfectly. It was his very air that asserted authority. He centralized us, we finally had four poles- and no those weren't Happy, Horny, Psycho and Grumpy, well- maybe the psycho part. We had the worker-ant that pulls the strings behind the scene but was willing enough to not have to lay claims to doing so, we had the athletic comic-relief who was so naïve that it's a crime in Kyoto, we had the lazy albeit helpful on less-than-legal breaking an entering techniques playboy, and then we had a down-to-earth, and yes, moody (for someone without emotionsâ save for anger, really angry, you stole my coffee shi ne, and aww) leader-type who was able to hold us together and give me time to attempt to sleep.

I feel a sharp pain in my arm- no not the bullet wound, the other arm, baka! Keep up! It's then when I realize that 1- I'm being held down by someone- not something I'm fond of by the way. 2- I have something foreign and cold going into my arm, and 3- I'm not so much warm anymore as I am cold. Very, very cold.

My arm remains with that uncomfortable sting, as my senses seem to gain focus. I realize what Aya-kun is doing, and realize Aya-kun is in the room with me and I have no idea if I was talking out loud or not, but my throat is sore and I know I wasn't screaming. No, usually when I scream I taste copper or something metallic in the back of my throat- yes I scream until my throat chafes, but I can talk for hours before that happens and when I say hours I mean 17. Consecutive.

I venture a worrisome, "âAyaâkun?"

That gets me a fast response.

"Omitchi? Are you alright?"

I flinch, did Aya just call me Omitchi? I think I'd blush but for some reason I think that would just make my skin look closer to it's normal tone. If you haven't realized it yet, I adore Aya-kun, we share so many scars, passions, abilities, it's almost like I am looking into a mirror and seeing what I'll become and yet that is not why I love himâ Okay, that inspired a blush I just said- oh I hope not 'said' but thought that I love Aya-kun, which I do.

I reach for my head, my hand still drunken, it swerves into a parabolic shape as it flops past my head where I had originally aimed for it to land. You know how if you fall asleep on your hand, or even leg, how your muscle seems not to listen very well? Yeah, just like that, with the added bonus of me apparently laying down, I swear I should have known that.

Aya took my hand, I felt my heart beat faster which made me feel even more intoxicated with a medly of dizziness and drunken bliss, my eyes were forming double vision but I finally stabled it by gazing into his amethyst pools.

"Iâ what happenedâ where am I?"

Normally I can count on Aya for a straight answer, but today it seems he was being funny, oh I really hope it was just an ill-timed joke.

"Oh, we're in Vegas, we're married. Have the rufies warn down?"

I glare at him with a frumpy pout, oh if only he knew I had my own pack of those- for 'work related' reasons only I swear!

I look deep into him and pout again, "Not the time for you to get a sense of humor Aya-kun."

He leaned down and kissed my forehead, which made something in me tingle- and no it's not THAT you hentai! No, it's that place where your stomach turns into butterflies, that's where I feel tingly. Aya seems to sense that, or something else, I don't know I'm too deep into my euphoria to realize reality is still moving.

"I think that's the last packet. Omi," he put his hand firmly over my arm, "this is probably going to hurt, try to bear it, okay? I had to pull you out of there and we didn't make it to a safe house. Yoji and Ken are keeping the area on surveillance to make sure no one finds us."

I nod knowing when he says probably that means definitely and by definitely that means he's trying to make it gentle but it's probably going to be even WORSE.

Man my thoughts are jumbled.

I bite softly on my lip hoping Aya-kun will catch on that I'd really like a gag or something just in case. Instead I take a few meditative breaths and look at him signaling my readiness.

"On three, Omitchi."

I nod.

"One" We count in unison.

"TWO!" He slides the needle out of my arm and immediately clamps it with his hand I try to gasp in air to squash any screams that would try to be emitted.

After some composure is regained I look at him grumpily, "You said three, I knew you were going to pull something like that."

Aya smiled, "You'd have tensed up on three."

I poke my tongue out, in half my normal energy, "Now I'll come to fear your count."

I shiver, it really is cold, I don't know how I was warm before, he already had stopped the bleeding by then I'd imagine. Probably after I hit pavement, as I realize just why my head hurts.

Aya tilted up my face to look into my eyes again, what was he doing? Measuring for a concussion orâ something more?

Aya again kissed my forehead, this time I had to react, "Aya-kun!" It came off more needy than intended, I softened it, "Aya-kunâ what are you doing? Am I hurt badly?"

Aya smiled at me softly. That's it, it's a concussion, Aya only gives two people that 'aww' look- Sakura because she looks like his sister, and his sister. He does not go around giving his 'I have real feelings' look to just anyone, let alone a guyâ DOUBLE let alone some murderer and triple that and then put it to the fifth power that feeling to go back towards me- at least since we found out what my birthright is.

He put his hand along my face. "I think you'll make it. It shouldn't scar too badly, either. The bullet went through and I was able to taper the bleeding. But the head wound has me nervous."

I know you so well, only because we're the same, Aya-kunâ I want to just hug him and tell him it'll be alright, that he doesn't have to worry—and why the hell is my body doing just that? Since when do I listen to my own thoughts and impulses? Super Ego where are you? Darn it!

I lean into him, slightly wobbly still, and put a hand on his shoulder, my other hand lays on top of that, and my forehead into his neck while my ear rests on the back of my palms.

"I'm not going awayâ I'm not going to just fall asleep and leave you alone"

He looks at me sharply, at first I'm worried I misread him completely, that he's furious, and then I see it turn to pain, to tears, to fears in finality. He touches my cheek.

"I slept all this time- buried it, I'm not doing it again, Ran-kun"

K'So! I swear inwardly, then glare at myself for knowing such vulgarities and actually being so rude as to slip one in. I just used a word on the very-very big oh crap list of words that could get me killed, Aya-kun's real name.

Aya-kun was about to slice me down- or so I perceived, my adrenalin still refused to back away- Oh I see how it is you fickle body- act on impulses without my consent but act on one of my survival mechanisms? Never! Perish the THOUGHT of letting me live to see 18 why don't you?

Aya-kun touches the nape of my neck setting my stomach into frenzy and my skin into a blaze. "You better not."

I think that was all he was going to say, I mean, four syllables is a reasonable amount of dialog for Aya-kun in one shot

"As much as I love carrying you asleep to some sleazy motel, I'd like to say I did that after fucking your brains out in my car or something classy."

I blink. "AâAya-kun? Didâ did I just hear what I think I heard?"

"Proclamation of love, and intent once those wounds heal?"

"Hai." I reply, slightly nervous, concussions are fun yet VERY dangerous.

"Yeah, but if you'd like I could restate that when that bruise goes down."

I choke back, "Do I have a concussion? Is this some delusion?"

Aya shakes his head, "Nasty bump but no concussion, but if you'd like I could re-examine you."

I blush, my color returning only now. "âIâ that isâ blush" you could even hear the blood raise to my face, I bet you.

"All I need is for you to give me back my coat, but that means I'd have to keep close so you don't get too cold, then you'd go into shock."

I blink stupidly once more, "Aya-kunâ iieâ Ran-kun, I think I already am."

Aya smiled, "Well, you were easy enough to train." He kissed my lips and I felt myself become very, very obedient. After all, obedience has gotten me ahead so far.

Fin

This is my birthday fic for myself. Night all! I'll get some more out soon. W00T! 20! XD


End file.
